Disorder in the Court!!!!!?

Disorder in the Court








These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of stayi ng calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.





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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?





WITNESS: No, I just lie there.





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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?





WITNESS: July 18th.





ATTORNEY: What year?





WITNESS: Every year.





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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?





WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.





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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?





WITNESS: Yes.





ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?





WITNESS: I forget.





ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?





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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the on e living with you?





WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.





ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?





WITNESS: Forty-five years.





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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?





WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"





ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?





WITNESS: My name is Susan.





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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?





WITNESS: We both do.





ATTORNEY: Voodoo?





WITNESS: We do.





ATTORNEY: You do?





WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.





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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?





WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?





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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?





WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.





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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?





WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?





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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?





WITNESS: Yes.





ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?





WITNESS: Uh....





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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?





WITNESS: Yes.





ATTORNEY: How many were boys?





WITNESS: None.





ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?





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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?





WITNESS: By death.





ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?





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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?





WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.





ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?





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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?





WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.





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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on deadpeople?





WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.





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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?





WITNESS: Oral.





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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?





WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.





ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?





WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!





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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?





WITNESS: Huh?





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This is Number one








ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?





WITNESS: No.





ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?





WITNESS: No.





ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?





WITNESS: No.





ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?





WITNESS: No.





ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?





WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my de sk in a jar.





ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?





WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law!

Disorder in the Court!!!!!?
Yep. Our learned people! LOL. LOL.





Good ones.
Reply:Thank you I have enjoyed these


You do wonder how the attorneys ever passed their bar exams with questions like these
Reply:strange days indeed
Reply:Yes, very funny.





By the way tell you some jokes, and it goes:





%26gt;How I was born%26lt;





A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, will you tell me


how I was born?"


-The father debates answering, but finally says: "Well, I guess one day you will need to know anyway."


"Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. I set up a date via e-mail and we met at a cybercafe.


-We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. "But when I was ready to upload and she was ready to download, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall and it was too late to hit the delete or escape button.


-"So nine months later a blessed little pop-up appeared that read, 'You've Got Male!"





One more joke:





A guy calls his vet and says "What should I do with my cat?Vet says "What do you mean? Guy says "I had a leak in my lawnmowers gas tank and the cat drank the gas. Then the cat began to run around and around the yard, climbed a tree. then fell out of the tree stiff. Vet says "Is the cat dead? Guy replies "nope he ran out of gas.
Reply:Thanks that was really good.
Reply:having been in crt many times these are good reminders loved them





back atcha this is an old one but probably to old for you to remember





Custer is riden long the trail on the way to that valley and he motions for his aid to ride up close where upon he yells go back to the wagon and get my red vest,,,aid shakes his head and does as he is told Latter as they start puttin up camp down thar in the valley the aid arrives and gives him the vest and says "what cha want that for tomorrows is not sunday,", custer replys I know this is my best but I think we might see some action and in case I get hit in the chest area I want the red vest to make it hard to notice,,,you know so the men do not lose moral and all that.


Just then custer looks up on the hill and he sees and indian ride up and pear over down upon him and then another and another until the tops of all the hills around them are topped by indians and custer says to his aid QUICK GET MY BROWN PANTS
Reply:hilarious...lol
Reply:too funny. just shows that anyone can slip through the system.
Reply:wahahahaha.... these r so funni.....
Reply:they are great!!

pink