These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts." They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who endured the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
****************************
Funny Joke?
lolz. good joke. thank you. and thank you for these two points also!
Reply:not funny! i was diagnosed with MG at age 11 so this joke is not funny at all.... i find it offensive.... thanks for making my life better with this "awsome" joke Report It
Reply:Yes funny, I've gotten that in a email before, that never gets old....
Reply:Thanks for the chuckle. If laughing is truly jogging for your insides, you just helped me run a marathon!
Reply:that's just freakin hilarious ha ha ha still can't stop laughing
Reply:John was in a bar looking very dejected.His friend,Steve,walked over and asked,"What's wrong?" "It's my mother-in-law,"John replied,while shaking his head sadly.'Cheer up,"Steve said."Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."'Yeah,"John answered."But I got mine pregnant."
Reply:those first couple were funny. i liked it overall though. nice job. i give it 4 stars
Reply:$$ Here's some Jokes 4 ya,$$
- What kind of cheese isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese!
------------------------------...
- What do you call a smelly teletubby?
Stinky Winky!
------------------------------...
- Why did the witch put a watch at the end of her broom stick?
Cuz she wanted time to fly.
------------------------------...
- Doctor, Doctor !! My irregular heartbeat is really frightening me.
Don't worry - we'll soon put a stop to it!
------------------------------...
- Why did the duck try to cross the road?
to show his girlfriend he had guts
------------------------------...
- the 7 dwarfs were in the tub feeling happy so happy got up and left!
------------------------------...
- Man comes into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is in bed with cold cream on and wearing curlers. "Honey," the man announces, "this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache."
The wife looks annoyed and says, "You old fool! That's a sheep."
The man replies, "You old fool! I wasn't talking to you!"
------------------------------...
- A marine and a soldier were driving down the same road, both talking on a phone. They got into a terrible crash, and there cars were totaled, but none of them got hurt. The marine produced a bottle of alcohol and said:"Well, we're both to blame and we're okay, so why don't we drink this bottle of wine and bury the hatchet?" The soldier said okay, so the marine gave him the bottle and he drank half of it and offered it to the marine. The marine said:" I'll wait for the cops to show up first."
------------------------------...
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring beer %26amp; food
Reply:good jokes im gunna die of laughter
Reply:very funny....hehehe....how abt this one:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Dont move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend youre a statue."
"Whats this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
Reply:LOL. Thank you. Have a great evening.
Friday, November 20, 2009
These are actual facts! Makes you think?
Courtroom Humour
These gems are from a book called Disorder in the Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: A L L your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
These are actual facts! Makes you think?
So funny, and yet, so true! I've heard all of these before, but they still make me chuckle.
Reply:grimeny!
Reply:Those are great.
Reply:Most chucklesome, but all of them were very old jokes, and I doubt if they have any basis in reality!
Reply:LOL good ones.
Reply:Glad you saved the last one for last. That's my favorite.
Reply:♥ ♥ yep can you imagine some people like that run our businesses...and our court system ♥ ♥
Reply:Good question. Here's what you do, and you need to do it immediately:
1) Don't Panic
2) Leave the area of the fire
3) Stop
4) Drop
5) Roll
6) Call 911
7) Bow to the applauding patrons
8) Ask the waiter for your check.
Reply:Love it, love it, love it!!!
Especially the last one!
I am a trade union advocate...wish i got some of these questions!!!
Reply:lol... that is so hilarious. I was laughing my as.s off.... Even the most professional people are idiotic...
Reply:Superb! Well done for tracking those down!
My favourite! . . .
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Reply:This was cool, I really enjoyed reading it, thanks!
Reply:Oh Now Those Were Good
10/10
Reply:That's so funny.
Reply:magnificent, that is classic. i bet there are many more far worse ones!
Reply:Thats just funny
Reply:Yes funny funny stuff!!
Reply:omg that stuff is absolutely ridiculous. i almost died just reading those.
Reply:i love em all... lmao. geez... people sure can be stupid eh. theres no way i could have kept a straight face. thanks for the many laughs.
where the hell did you find these anyhow.
Reply:Nothing is funnier than REAL LIFE!
L O L Can you believe it?????
Reply:those were all hilarious i can't believe people don't think before they speak
Reply:SPot on love em!!!
Reply:this was AWESOME!! 10/10
Reply:i had a really bad day today and those just made me laugh
Reply:OMG... LMFAO... I am so gonna get written up by my boss... hell I don't care... it was worth it... I needed that so bad... thanks for the laugh... = )
Reply:am jst getting the points here.
a question: where exactly did the question come in?
that stuff is too wierd to be true- am dropping out. i was going to be a lawyer-SYKE!!!
Reply:Those were brill!
Reply:nice, very nice...
Reply:i would love to go to court and hear them say things like this...lol good one, 15/10
Reply:haha.... theyre all good.
Reply:i thought this was for questions
These gems are from a book called Disorder in the Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: A L L your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
These are actual facts! Makes you think?
So funny, and yet, so true! I've heard all of these before, but they still make me chuckle.
Reply:grimeny!
Reply:Those are great.
Reply:Most chucklesome, but all of them were very old jokes, and I doubt if they have any basis in reality!
Reply:LOL good ones.
Reply:Glad you saved the last one for last. That's my favorite.
Reply:♥ ♥ yep can you imagine some people like that run our businesses...and our court system ♥ ♥
Reply:Good question. Here's what you do, and you need to do it immediately:
1) Don't Panic
2) Leave the area of the fire
3) Stop
4) Drop
5) Roll
6) Call 911
7) Bow to the applauding patrons
8) Ask the waiter for your check.
Reply:Love it, love it, love it!!!
Especially the last one!
I am a trade union advocate...wish i got some of these questions!!!
Reply:lol... that is so hilarious. I was laughing my as.s off.... Even the most professional people are idiotic...
Reply:Superb! Well done for tracking those down!
My favourite! . . .
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Reply:This was cool, I really enjoyed reading it, thanks!
Reply:Oh Now Those Were Good
10/10
Reply:That's so funny.
Reply:magnificent, that is classic. i bet there are many more far worse ones!
Reply:Thats just funny
Reply:Yes funny funny stuff!!
Reply:omg that stuff is absolutely ridiculous. i almost died just reading those.
Reply:i love em all... lmao. geez... people sure can be stupid eh. theres no way i could have kept a straight face. thanks for the many laughs.
where the hell did you find these anyhow.
Reply:Nothing is funnier than REAL LIFE!
L O L Can you believe it?????
Reply:those were all hilarious i can't believe people don't think before they speak
Reply:SPot on love em!!!
Reply:this was AWESOME!! 10/10
Reply:i had a really bad day today and those just made me laugh
Reply:OMG... LMFAO... I am so gonna get written up by my boss... hell I don't care... it was worth it... I needed that so bad... thanks for the laugh... = )
Reply:am jst getting the points here.
a question: where exactly did the question come in?
that stuff is too wierd to be true- am dropping out. i was going to be a lawyer-SYKE!!!
Reply:Those were brill!
Reply:nice, very nice...
Reply:i would love to go to court and hear them say things like this...lol good one, 15/10
Reply:haha.... theyre all good.
Reply:i thought this was for questions
Legal Eagles?
Subject: Legal Eagles
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you #*%^@ %) me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you #@%*%26amp;$ @ me? Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?
____________ __________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.
Legal Eagles?
These are hilarious. How can people be so stupid?
Reply:Funny
Reply:Funny in a since!
Reply:hahahahahahahahahahaaa
still rolling on the floor. my co-workers think am nuts. thanks.
star for u. the last one was really the best
more than that
Reply:Those are priceless!!
You have to love the thought (or lack there of) some of these attorneys put into there questions.
Reply:LoL! A good collection. :D
Reply:ha! ha!! that was really funny..are those real? hehe..so funny to be true
Reply:VERY FUNNY!!!!!%26lt; Had Me Cracking Up!!! (LOL)
Reply:kinda long and hav heard em all before but still good
Reply:Lol! I wish I had been there :)
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you #*%^@ %) me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you #@%*%26amp;$ @ me? Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?
____________ __________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.
Legal Eagles?
These are hilarious. How can people be so stupid?
Reply:Funny
Reply:Funny in a since!
Reply:hahahahahahahahahahaaa
still rolling on the floor. my co-workers think am nuts. thanks.
star for u. the last one was really the best
more than that
Reply:Those are priceless!!
You have to love the thought (or lack there of) some of these attorneys put into there questions.
Reply:LoL! A good collection. :D
Reply:ha! ha!! that was really funny..are those real? hehe..so funny to be true
Reply:VERY FUNNY!!!!!%26lt; Had Me Cracking Up!!! (LOL)
Reply:kinda long and hav heard em all before but still good
Reply:Lol! I wish I had been there :)
Is it cancer????
here are teh symptoms
first i start rambling in my ears now its gone
muscle twitching
numbness
laziness
stomach growling
gas problem escpecially at night
mucus was a problem but not now
no headach
no fever
no blood from any where
bowl is not gud
i have been to doc he was sayin that u got alergy gave me pilss work just a lil biit for me
before this happens i smoke for abt 5 months now its been 2 months i quit the smoke and i got a hight rated tention for abt 3 times before this problem happenes no sweats sleeeping is goood eating is no problem but somethims i need to catch up my breath by burping and yawning -neck stiffness from sides---sometimes i got pain when i breath hard into the stomach like place but thats only for 3 minuts-jaw got hard at night got eye numbness buut not now--stiff nose--------any sugestions --- === is it etreme anxity disorder---- or something to cure-------- iam worried seriosly
Is it cancer????
SYMPTOMS;
General;
-rapid lossof weight for no apparent reason
-loss of appetite
-tiredness
-severe,recurring headaches
-painin some cases, and usually in the late stages of the disease
Specific;
-the symptoms vary according to the organ or tissue involved.
THE 10 WARNING SIGNS;
-Unexplained bleeding or discharge from nipple, vagina (in between menstrual periods or after menopause), blood in the stool or urine (no pain when urinating )
-lump in the breast or any recent change detected in the breasts
-changed in bowel habits
-lump in the neck that was not previously present.
-persistent cough and blood stained sputum
-hoarseness of voice lasting for more than 2 weeks
-persistent discomfort or pain in the abdomen, difficulty in swallowing
-deafness or ringing noise in the ear
-a sore or ulcer that does not heal within 3weeks;
red/white patches in the mouth
-change in a mole or wart
Reply:Seriously, dude, watch some TV or something and quit contemplating your navel.
palm
first i start rambling in my ears now its gone
muscle twitching
numbness
laziness
stomach growling
gas problem escpecially at night
mucus was a problem but not now
no headach
no fever
no blood from any where
bowl is not gud
i have been to doc he was sayin that u got alergy gave me pilss work just a lil biit for me
before this happens i smoke for abt 5 months now its been 2 months i quit the smoke and i got a hight rated tention for abt 3 times before this problem happenes no sweats sleeeping is goood eating is no problem but somethims i need to catch up my breath by burping and yawning -neck stiffness from sides---sometimes i got pain when i breath hard into the stomach like place but thats only for 3 minuts-jaw got hard at night got eye numbness buut not now--stiff nose--------any sugestions --- === is it etreme anxity disorder---- or something to cure-------- iam worried seriosly
Is it cancer????
SYMPTOMS;
General;
-rapid lossof weight for no apparent reason
-loss of appetite
-tiredness
-severe,recurring headaches
-painin some cases, and usually in the late stages of the disease
Specific;
-the symptoms vary according to the organ or tissue involved.
THE 10 WARNING SIGNS;
-Unexplained bleeding or discharge from nipple, vagina (in between menstrual periods or after menopause), blood in the stool or urine (no pain when urinating )
-lump in the breast or any recent change detected in the breasts
-changed in bowel habits
-lump in the neck that was not previously present.
-persistent cough and blood stained sputum
-hoarseness of voice lasting for more than 2 weeks
-persistent discomfort or pain in the abdomen, difficulty in swallowing
-deafness or ringing noise in the ear
-a sore or ulcer that does not heal within 3weeks;
red/white patches in the mouth
-change in a mole or wart
Reply:Seriously, dude, watch some TV or something and quit contemplating your navel.
palm
Whts hapenin to me? llolzzzzzzzz?
here are the symptoms
first i start rambling in my ears now its gone
muscle twitching
numbness
laziness
stomach growling
gas problem escpecially at night
mucus was a problem but not now
no headach
no fever
no blood from any where
bowl is not gud
i have been to doc he was sayin that u got alergy gave me pilss work just a lil biit for me
before this happens i smoke for abt 5 months now its been 2 months i quit the smoke and i got a hight rated tention for abt 3 times before this problem happenes no sweats sleeeping is goood eating is no problem but somethims i need to catch up my breath by burping and yawning -neck stiffness from sides---sometimes i got pain when i breath hard into the stomach like place but thats only for 3 minuts-jaw got hard at night got eye numbness buut not now--stiff nose--------any sugestions --- === is it etreme anxity disorder---- or something to cure-------- iam worried seriosly
Whts hapenin to me? llolzzzzzzzz?
go to doc again and tell him that the pills didnt really help. explain to him what the prob really is.
Reply:just go to a doctor!!!!
Reply:Check your blood sugar.
Reply:In spite of all of this, i would say nothing is wrong with you - nearly everyone has some combination of these symptoms from time to time. It sounds like worst thing you have is post-nasal drip, and maybe indigestion. Quit worrying about this and spend the time taking a walk for 20 minutes instead.
first i start rambling in my ears now its gone
muscle twitching
numbness
laziness
stomach growling
gas problem escpecially at night
mucus was a problem but not now
no headach
no fever
no blood from any where
bowl is not gud
i have been to doc he was sayin that u got alergy gave me pilss work just a lil biit for me
before this happens i smoke for abt 5 months now its been 2 months i quit the smoke and i got a hight rated tention for abt 3 times before this problem happenes no sweats sleeeping is goood eating is no problem but somethims i need to catch up my breath by burping and yawning -neck stiffness from sides---sometimes i got pain when i breath hard into the stomach like place but thats only for 3 minuts-jaw got hard at night got eye numbness buut not now--stiff nose--------any sugestions --- === is it etreme anxity disorder---- or something to cure-------- iam worried seriosly
Whts hapenin to me? llolzzzzzzzz?
go to doc again and tell him that the pills didnt really help. explain to him what the prob really is.
Reply:just go to a doctor!!!!
Reply:Check your blood sugar.
Reply:In spite of all of this, i would say nothing is wrong with you - nearly everyone has some combination of these symptoms from time to time. It sounds like worst thing you have is post-nasal drip, and maybe indigestion. Quit worrying about this and spend the time taking a walk for 20 minutes instead.
Is it cancer????
here are teh symptoms
first i start rambling in my ears now its gone
muscle twitching
numbness
laziness
stomach growling
gas problem escpecially at night
mucus was a problem but not now
no headach
no fever
no blood from any where
bowl is not gud
i have been to doc he was sayin that u got alergy gave me pilss work just a lil biit for me
before this happens i smoke for abt 5 months now its been 2 months i quit the smoke and i got a hight rated tention for abt 3 times before this problem happenes no sweats sleeeping is goood eating is no problem but somethims i need to catch up my breath by burping and yawning -neck stiffness from sides---sometimes i got pain when i breath hard into the stomach like place but thats only for 3 minuts-jaw got hard at night got eye numbness buut not now--stiff nose--------any sugestions --- === is it etreme anxity disorder---- or something to cure-------- iam worried seriosly
Is it cancer????
Thats too serious..
1st stage Cancer...go see you General Practitioner...
once that reaches 2nd Stage Cancer it could lead to serious death...
Reply:i sufferfrom an a anxiety disorder. it is the worst feeling in the world. your mind and body plays tricks on you, if you think you are sick, you are. do you think you are going to die everyday, and get into a car accident every time you drive. anxiety disorders are very scary because they have been known to cause tumors and some forms of cancer because we are literally stressed out all day for no good reason. I have been getting better over the past couple years. just talk to a therapist and get your mind off of everything and think nothing but good thoughts. Yoga is a life saver.
first i start rambling in my ears now its gone
muscle twitching
numbness
laziness
stomach growling
gas problem escpecially at night
mucus was a problem but not now
no headach
no fever
no blood from any where
bowl is not gud
i have been to doc he was sayin that u got alergy gave me pilss work just a lil biit for me
before this happens i smoke for abt 5 months now its been 2 months i quit the smoke and i got a hight rated tention for abt 3 times before this problem happenes no sweats sleeeping is goood eating is no problem but somethims i need to catch up my breath by burping and yawning -neck stiffness from sides---sometimes i got pain when i breath hard into the stomach like place but thats only for 3 minuts-jaw got hard at night got eye numbness buut not now--stiff nose--------any sugestions --- === is it etreme anxity disorder---- or something to cure-------- iam worried seriosly
Is it cancer????
Thats too serious..
1st stage Cancer...go see you General Practitioner...
once that reaches 2nd Stage Cancer it could lead to serious death...
Reply:i sufferfrom an a anxiety disorder. it is the worst feeling in the world. your mind and body plays tricks on you, if you think you are sick, you are. do you think you are going to die everyday, and get into a car accident every time you drive. anxiety disorders are very scary because they have been known to cause tumors and some forms of cancer because we are literally stressed out all day for no good reason. I have been getting better over the past couple years. just talk to a therapist and get your mind off of everything and think nothing but good thoughts. Yoga is a life saver.
Do you believe this happened in America ?
These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court."
These are things people actually said in (an American) court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
--------------------------------------...
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
--------------------------------------...
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
--------------------------------------...
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
--------------------------------------...
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
--------------------------------------...
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
--------------------------------------...
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
--------------------------------------...
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
--------------------------------------...
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
--------------------------------------...
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
--------------------------------------...
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
--------------------------------------...
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
--------------------------------------...
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
--------------------------------------...
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
--------------------------------------...
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
--------------------------------------...
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
--------------------------------------...
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Do you believe this happened in America ?
I really hope so. Wonderful, I wish I could give you ten points!. Not a loaded statement. I wish you well. Terry.
Reply:This is great! Thanks for brightening up my day by giving me a laugh!
Reply:Lol...I needed that!
Reply:Brilliant Susie. Brought a grin to my face and yep, it probably could ONLY happen in America. Thanks for the smiles you have given me.
Reply:No one said as a society we were brilliant!
Reply:hahahaha are you serious thats hilarious especially the voodoo one and the last one lol
Reply:Believe it? I live it! Yes, I believe it.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-Albert Einstein
Reply:and some of these people are lawyers. scary, isn't it?
Reply:I've heard of all of these and variations in British Courts and Application forms and I have seen an application form with the box asking gender:
Sex? The answer was of course," Yes three times a week "
Needless to say after much laughter the form was amended very soon after the incident
Reply:I think one of those lawyer was mine. Mine ask me if I remember cars were involved in a one car accident
Reply:These are priceless!!! I'll be laughing for quite a while. I sent it to all my friends and relatives. Thanks for the great laugh this morning.
Reply:you think these were bad you only use the Scottish ones -- why not bring up the red neck ones from southern Georgia!!!
Reply:lol Thanks!
Reply:Yes, I can believe these questions and answers were given in courts in America. As the last one stated they are alive and practicing law somewhere, probably Washington, D.C. Have another well earned star!!!!
Reply:Aye, and a fine collection it be --- yo ho ho
Reply:bet it could happen in the UK too
Reply:Could you repeat the question!!! lol Oh, right--only in American would I believe it.
Reply:What was that question we had posted yesterday, that asked about common sense? Just goes to show you, not many people have it. Open mouth insert foot. Or as I prefer: Dumber than dirt.!!!! Sounds like redneck court.
Reply:Very funny thanks for that
These are things people actually said in (an American) court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
--------------------------------------...
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
--------------------------------------...
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
--------------------------------------...
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
--------------------------------------...
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
--------------------------------------...
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
--------------------------------------...
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
--------------------------------------...
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
--------------------------------------...
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
--------------------------------------...
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
--------------------------------------...
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
--------------------------------------...
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
--------------------------------------...
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
--------------------------------------...
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
--------------------------------------...
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
--------------------------------------...
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
--------------------------------------...
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
--------------------------------------...
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Do you believe this happened in America ?
I really hope so. Wonderful, I wish I could give you ten points!. Not a loaded statement. I wish you well. Terry.
Reply:This is great! Thanks for brightening up my day by giving me a laugh!
Reply:Lol...I needed that!
Reply:Brilliant Susie. Brought a grin to my face and yep, it probably could ONLY happen in America. Thanks for the smiles you have given me.
Reply:No one said as a society we were brilliant!
Reply:hahahaha are you serious thats hilarious especially the voodoo one and the last one lol
Reply:Believe it? I live it! Yes, I believe it.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-Albert Einstein
Reply:and some of these people are lawyers. scary, isn't it?
Reply:I've heard of all of these and variations in British Courts and Application forms and I have seen an application form with the box asking gender:
Sex? The answer was of course," Yes three times a week "
Needless to say after much laughter the form was amended very soon after the incident
Reply:I think one of those lawyer was mine. Mine ask me if I remember cars were involved in a one car accident
Reply:These are priceless!!! I'll be laughing for quite a while. I sent it to all my friends and relatives. Thanks for the great laugh this morning.
Reply:you think these were bad you only use the Scottish ones -- why not bring up the red neck ones from southern Georgia!!!
Reply:lol Thanks!
Reply:Yes, I can believe these questions and answers were given in courts in America. As the last one stated they are alive and practicing law somewhere, probably Washington, D.C. Have another well earned star!!!!
Reply:Aye, and a fine collection it be --- yo ho ho
Reply:bet it could happen in the UK too
Reply:Could you repeat the question!!! lol Oh, right--only in American would I believe it.
Reply:What was that question we had posted yesterday, that asked about common sense? Just goes to show you, not many people have it. Open mouth insert foot. Or as I prefer: Dumber than dirt.!!!! Sounds like redneck court.
Reply:Very funny thanks for that
This is really funny reading?
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
This is really funny reading?
Ha ha ha.!!!
That is Excellent so 10/10.!!!
Thanks for a laugh.!!!
Cheers Lady.!!
Reply:Thank you. Report It
Reply:LOL
Reply:LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! If I could give you a million stars I so would!
Reply:lol people actually said that? good one!!
Reply:LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:lol these are great!
Reply:Fabulous! Great reading.
Reply:That is Excellent
Reply:Wow that was so good and no offence bt some people can be so dim sometimes!
xxxx
Reply:I laughed so hard while I was reading this that it made by baby cry!
Reply:hahahaha!! i love it
Reply:cool!
Reply:this is phucking awesome
i am holding back my laughter cuz i am sitting in a class
Reply:At one time I was thinking of being a court reporter. I wouldn't have been able to keep it together in these cases for sure. Now, I'm just hoping to proofread for court reporters. If I find funny stories like this, I'll post them.
Reply:HA HA
its such a totally blond thing to say
would give you more stars if i could but apart from one gold star here's some other ones *************************************
Reply:HA-larious!!!!!!!
Reply:Lol true or not, they are funny anyway
petunia
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________...
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
This is really funny reading?
Ha ha ha.!!!
That is Excellent so 10/10.!!!
Thanks for a laugh.!!!
Cheers Lady.!!
Reply:Thank you. Report It
Reply:LOL
Reply:LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! If I could give you a million stars I so would!
Reply:lol people actually said that? good one!!
Reply:LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:lol these are great!
Reply:Fabulous! Great reading.
Reply:That is Excellent
Reply:Wow that was so good and no offence bt some people can be so dim sometimes!
xxxx
Reply:I laughed so hard while I was reading this that it made by baby cry!
Reply:hahahaha!! i love it
Reply:cool!
Reply:this is phucking awesome
i am holding back my laughter cuz i am sitting in a class
Reply:At one time I was thinking of being a court reporter. I wouldn't have been able to keep it together in these cases for sure. Now, I'm just hoping to proofread for court reporters. If I find funny stories like this, I'll post them.
Reply:HA HA
its such a totally blond thing to say
would give you more stars if i could but apart from one gold star here's some other ones *************************************
Reply:HA-larious!!!!!!!
Reply:Lol true or not, they are funny anyway
petunia
Had a crazy dream need serious help!!!?
i have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. i don't know whether to blame my nightmare on this fact or not. i had a dream that my mom was beheaded. my dad was going beserk. and my heart was racing my head was hurting,and i woke up in a sweat. i cried for at least an hour and a half after i woke up and i could not get it off of my mind. it is really eating me up. PLEASE HELP!!!
Had a crazy dream need serious help!!!?
if you a dependant on ur parents in any way phiscally finanacially and /or emotionally this could represent how u feel about ur parnts meaning ur mother is the 1 who maintains she is the thinker manages ,keeps her head , shall we say in circumstances. ur father on the other hand is the provider he must maitain by being a stable %26amp; productive provider 4 the family. so our subconsious fears them losing thier parental assests hence ur dream
Reply:Take your meds.
Reply:The significance of a dream featuring the head, will also depend on the other details of the dream. But as a general guide, here are some interpretations:
A disembodied head predicts a new situation in which you will have to stay calm and "use your head."
If you dream of having part of your head missing, this is positive, because it means your achievements will be greater than you expect.
If you dream of having your head chopped off, you will be successful in life.
That's what i know for now, uhmm what's another word for beserk?
Had a crazy dream need serious help!!!?
if you a dependant on ur parents in any way phiscally finanacially and /or emotionally this could represent how u feel about ur parnts meaning ur mother is the 1 who maintains she is the thinker manages ,keeps her head , shall we say in circumstances. ur father on the other hand is the provider he must maitain by being a stable %26amp; productive provider 4 the family. so our subconsious fears them losing thier parental assests hence ur dream
Reply:Take your meds.
Reply:The significance of a dream featuring the head, will also depend on the other details of the dream. But as a general guide, here are some interpretations:
A disembodied head predicts a new situation in which you will have to stay calm and "use your head."
If you dream of having part of your head missing, this is positive, because it means your achievements will be greater than you expect.
If you dream of having your head chopped off, you will be successful in life.
That's what i know for now, uhmm what's another word for beserk?
Funny questions/answers from a courtroom! (frikin hilarious!!) star if you liked it!?
From a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
----------------------------------------...
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
----------------------------------------...
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
----------------------------------------...
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
----------------------------------------...
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
----------------------------------------...
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?
----------------------------------------...
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Did he kill you?
----------------------------------------...
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
----------------------------------------...
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
----------------------------------------...
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
----------------------------------------...
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
----------------------------------------...
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
----------------------------------------...
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
----------------------------------------...
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
----------------------------------------...
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
----------------------------------------...
Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Funny questions/answers from a courtroom! (frikin hilarious!!) star if you liked it!?
hahahaha
they're really good
give us some more
please
Reply:Thanks for the laughs.
Reply:thumbs up
Reply:Yeah! You're right. I got a HUGE chuckle out of these... Thanks!
Reply:And this is what they go to Law School for ? !
Ha ha ha ( still chuckling ...)
Reply:I see this occasionally and it always gives me a good laugh
Reply:wow u really got me laughing that was hilarious;
thnx for the laughs
here is a star for ya
best luck:D
Reply:lawyers yup you gotta love them.
Reply:Haha! Good ones!
Reply:Thank you so much for making me grin - have a star!
Reply:STAR!
Reply:Lots of your jokes are funny LOL.
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
----------------------------------------...
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
----------------------------------------...
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
----------------------------------------...
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
----------------------------------------...
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
----------------------------------------...
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?
----------------------------------------...
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Did he kill you?
----------------------------------------...
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
----------------------------------------...
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
----------------------------------------...
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
----------------------------------------...
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
----------------------------------------...
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
----------------------------------------...
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
----------------------------------------...
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
----------------------------------------...
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
----------------------------------------...
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
----------------------------------------...
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
----------------------------------------...
Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Funny questions/answers from a courtroom! (frikin hilarious!!) star if you liked it!?
hahahaha
they're really good
give us some more
please
Reply:Thanks for the laughs.
Reply:thumbs up
Reply:Yeah! You're right. I got a HUGE chuckle out of these... Thanks!
Reply:And this is what they go to Law School for ? !
Ha ha ha ( still chuckling ...)
Reply:I see this occasionally and it always gives me a good laugh
Reply:wow u really got me laughing that was hilarious;
thnx for the laughs
here is a star for ya
best luck:D
Reply:lawyers yup you gotta love them.
Reply:Haha! Good ones!
Reply:Thank you so much for making me grin - have a star!
Reply:STAR!
Reply:Lots of your jokes are funny LOL.
I'm feeling silly/kinda dumb! : /?
OK...the problem with the memory loss, dizziness, vision disturbances, etc., is from a new drug I started for the nerves in my spine (LYRICA) which is awesome for the pain, but does have these side effects. The night sweats, fevers, swollen glands, nausea, severe sleepiness, feeling ill is NOT! All tests are normal, and I think I'm going to wait and see an internist to see what he says...I'm a lil worried as cancer runs in my family-my mom, 2 aunts, 2 uncles, grandmother, and grandfather...wow...especially lymphoma, and am not fitting the typical symptoms of an autoimmune disorder! I don't think chiropractic care is the best bet as I value the nerves I have there and I've done that route with horrific results...I'm seeking spinal sx for the spinal problems, but thank you for your advise. I know this is a different question, but I give the GI Doc total thumbs up on my first one for his advise! Thank you to all others for your help and concern!!!! :)
I'm feeling silly/kinda dumb! : /?
you shouldnt feel silly or dumb. i would be worried too.
i think its best that you go see an internist like you said.
you made the right choice.
i hope you are fine!
I'm feeling silly/kinda dumb! : /?
you shouldnt feel silly or dumb. i would be worried too.
i think its best that you go see an internist like you said.
you made the right choice.
i hope you are fine!
Mood swing?
I think i have mood swing and it happened a long time ago. I would feel happy for one moment then the next minute i feel terribly sad. I would suddenly feel very insecure and when i'm outside, i just wanna go home and when i'm home, i wanna go out. I have sleeping disorder and everytime i wake up, i would feel dizzy for a moment. I'm also sensitif to change of tempreture and i can't stand cold. I have cold hands and feet and also sweat a lot. I'm always not in good terms with my family. I like to be alone and when i'm alone i think nonsence like i wanna be a mafia, i wanna be a drug dealer and those sort of things. But i won't do all those things. I would feel angry suddenly without knowing why or who i'm angry at. I also fell anxious all of a sudden and my heart would beat really fast and hard that my ribs kind of hurt. My stomach is always growling and every morning i would fell very hungry and still remain hungry after i've eaten. Can anybody tell me what my real prob is?
Mood swing?
I think you pretty much identified your problem. Your actually probably just becoming a teenager more and more. Many if not millions of teenagers think weird thoughts and even say them. I go through lots of hormonal mood changes during the day. Maybe you should check out the govteen.com website. They know all about puberty and wierd stuff like this. Truly you don't really have a problem. You're just becoming someone.
Reply:I dont think this is something that can be diagnosed on Yahoo Answers. You should see your doctor, he/she can refer you to someone who can help you. It sounds like more than just mood swings. Good luck.
mint
Mood swing?
I think you pretty much identified your problem. Your actually probably just becoming a teenager more and more. Many if not millions of teenagers think weird thoughts and even say them. I go through lots of hormonal mood changes during the day. Maybe you should check out the govteen.com website. They know all about puberty and wierd stuff like this. Truly you don't really have a problem. You're just becoming someone.
Reply:I dont think this is something that can be diagnosed on Yahoo Answers. You should see your doctor, he/she can refer you to someone who can help you. It sounds like more than just mood swings. Good luck.
mint
Abdominal pain for 4 weeks accompanied with emesia and diarrhea--To request etiological factor and treatment?
A 57-year-old male was admitted to our hospital on May 4th ,2007 for abdominal pain for four weeks accompanied with emesia and diarrhea. The clinical findings are listed in Table 1.
Past medical history and general state of health:
The patient’s past medical history was significant for spinal stenosis about two years ago, accompanied with the symmetry pain of limbs arthrosis for one year. He denied other systemic diseases and any surgical history, as well as family history of genetic disorder. Before the onset of the disease ,the patient had the history of exposure to a small amount of acetone(He is a aircraft mechanic). He denied the history of exposure to special food ,drug and toxicant.
Since the pathogenesis , the patient has no fever and night sweat, no skin petechia and skin rashes .There is a 2.5 kg weight loss recently.
Medical examination:
Left lower quadrant and superior belly had scattered tendernesses, no rebound tenderness. Other examinations were negative.
Table 1 Clinical manifestations of the patient:
Main clinical manifestations abdominal pain : Started left lower abdomen pain ,and then emerging superior belly pain, accompanied with nausea
frequent emesia : Vomiting after eating a little food, and Vomitus were a small amount of stomach contents
chronic diarrhea : watery stool, and there were no mucus ,pus and blood in the stool. More than 10 times a day ,and the quantity of toties quoties was 50-100ml.
Laboratory positive findings Blood routine---WBCC:7.8*109/L, Lymphocyte Percentage:10%, neutrophils Percentage:84.5%, Eosinophil count:0.6*109/L;
Albumin: 31-33g/L, prealbumin:142mg/L; blood calcium: 1.97-2.02mmol/L , blood phosphonium: 0.80-0.97mmol/L ,PTH:174ng/L, Calcitionin:3.4ng/L ;
blood sedimentation: 24mm/h, Ferritin: 924.9ng/mL;
Anti-SS-A:+, ANA:+++, Alexine C3:0.77g/L,CRP 36.6mg/L ; Serum transferrin: 1.97g/L;
Urine protein:+, Quantitation of Urine protein in 24h: Microamount albumen 196mg/L, Transferrin 11.1mg/L, Microglobulin 41.2 mg/L , IgG 31.3mg/L. Stool smear:a little Capsule protozoon；
Endoscopy findings Coloscope showed that mucous membranes of colon and rectum had extensive dropsy, as well as rectal scattered anabrosis.
Gastroscope showed superficial gastritis , accompanied with anabrosis.
Image findings Computer tomography (CT) of epigastric zone showing edema of gastric wall and duodenal wall, right pleural effusion, seroperitoneum and bilateral hydronephrosis ;
Computer tomography (CT) of hypogastric zone showing thickening and edema of the part small intestine, ascending colon, sigmoid colon and rectum, furthermore , abnormal thickening of Bladder wall left; Computer tomography (CT) of chest showing right pleural effusion;
B ultrasonic of glandula thyreoidea showing a mixed tumor and a solid tumor on the right, furthermore ,a left thyroid nodules .
MRI of glandula thyreoidea showing multiple innocuousness nodules in right thyroid
ECT of epithelial body showing no obviously abnormal.
Pathological findings Rectal chronic inflammation
Other examinations (such as stool routine , stool culture ,tuberculin test, hepar and renal function, thyroid function, tumor markers, prothrombin time, HIV TPPA TRUST ,rheumatoid factor, anti-O, IgA E G M, C4 CH50 CIC, dsDNA anti-SS-B anti-SM, ACLA ,ANCA and B ultrasonic of the heart) were all negative.
To the treat and turnover:
After admission, we gave the patient the treatment of restrain acidum （Losec）, anti-inflammatory（Ceftriaxone and metronidazole）and nutritional support. But the patient’s pathogenetic condition didn’t take a favorable turn. Since May 10th , we have given the patient hormone therapy---300mg hydrocortisone iv gtt qd. Currently , the patient still has abdominal pain and diarrhea.
To request:
1. to diagnose: about the etiological factor and etiopathogenisis
2.to treat: such as some better therapeutic regimens and some precious clinic experience
Abdominal pain for 4 weeks accompanied with emesia and diarrhea--To request etiological factor and treatment?
Interesting case, but perhaps this would be more appropriate for posting in the infectious disease section. Your description of a gastroenteritis picture and stool cultures showing a parasite (protozoan?) seems to indicate this. A few of your terms are foreign to me (rectum "dropsy" and "anabrosis"). Also your description of a diffuse inflammation and pleurisy is also unusual and a very systemic manifestation of this disease. You might consider tapping these effusions and/or laparoscopy?
Past medical history and general state of health:
The patient’s past medical history was significant for spinal stenosis about two years ago, accompanied with the symmetry pain of limbs arthrosis for one year. He denied other systemic diseases and any surgical history, as well as family history of genetic disorder. Before the onset of the disease ,the patient had the history of exposure to a small amount of acetone(He is a aircraft mechanic). He denied the history of exposure to special food ,drug and toxicant.
Since the pathogenesis , the patient has no fever and night sweat, no skin petechia and skin rashes .There is a 2.5 kg weight loss recently.
Medical examination:
Left lower quadrant and superior belly had scattered tendernesses, no rebound tenderness. Other examinations were negative.
Table 1 Clinical manifestations of the patient:
Main clinical manifestations abdominal pain : Started left lower abdomen pain ,and then emerging superior belly pain, accompanied with nausea
frequent emesia : Vomiting after eating a little food, and Vomitus were a small amount of stomach contents
chronic diarrhea : watery stool, and there were no mucus ,pus and blood in the stool. More than 10 times a day ,and the quantity of toties quoties was 50-100ml.
Laboratory positive findings Blood routine---WBCC:7.8*109/L, Lymphocyte Percentage:10%, neutrophils Percentage:84.5%, Eosinophil count:0.6*109/L;
Albumin: 31-33g/L, prealbumin:142mg/L; blood calcium: 1.97-2.02mmol/L , blood phosphonium: 0.80-0.97mmol/L ,PTH:174ng/L, Calcitionin:3.4ng/L ;
blood sedimentation: 24mm/h, Ferritin: 924.9ng/mL;
Anti-SS-A:+, ANA:+++, Alexine C3:0.77g/L,CRP 36.6mg/L ; Serum transferrin: 1.97g/L;
Urine protein:+, Quantitation of Urine protein in 24h: Microamount albumen 196mg/L, Transferrin 11.1mg/L, Microglobulin 41.2 mg/L , IgG 31.3mg/L. Stool smear:a little Capsule protozoon；
Endoscopy findings Coloscope showed that mucous membranes of colon and rectum had extensive dropsy, as well as rectal scattered anabrosis.
Gastroscope showed superficial gastritis , accompanied with anabrosis.
Image findings Computer tomography (CT) of epigastric zone showing edema of gastric wall and duodenal wall, right pleural effusion, seroperitoneum and bilateral hydronephrosis ;
Computer tomography (CT) of hypogastric zone showing thickening and edema of the part small intestine, ascending colon, sigmoid colon and rectum, furthermore , abnormal thickening of Bladder wall left; Computer tomography (CT) of chest showing right pleural effusion;
B ultrasonic of glandula thyreoidea showing a mixed tumor and a solid tumor on the right, furthermore ,a left thyroid nodules .
MRI of glandula thyreoidea showing multiple innocuousness nodules in right thyroid
ECT of epithelial body showing no obviously abnormal.
Pathological findings Rectal chronic inflammation
Other examinations (such as stool routine , stool culture ,tuberculin test, hepar and renal function, thyroid function, tumor markers, prothrombin time, HIV TPPA TRUST ,rheumatoid factor, anti-O, IgA E G M, C4 CH50 CIC, dsDNA anti-SS-B anti-SM, ACLA ,ANCA and B ultrasonic of the heart) were all negative.
To the treat and turnover:
After admission, we gave the patient the treatment of restrain acidum （Losec）, anti-inflammatory（Ceftriaxone and metronidazole）and nutritional support. But the patient’s pathogenetic condition didn’t take a favorable turn. Since May 10th , we have given the patient hormone therapy---300mg hydrocortisone iv gtt qd. Currently , the patient still has abdominal pain and diarrhea.
To request:
1. to diagnose: about the etiological factor and etiopathogenisis
2.to treat: such as some better therapeutic regimens and some precious clinic experience
Abdominal pain for 4 weeks accompanied with emesia and diarrhea--To request etiological factor and treatment?
Interesting case, but perhaps this would be more appropriate for posting in the infectious disease section. Your description of a gastroenteritis picture and stool cultures showing a parasite (protozoan?) seems to indicate this. A few of your terms are foreign to me (rectum "dropsy" and "anabrosis"). Also your description of a diffuse inflammation and pleurisy is also unusual and a very systemic manifestation of this disease. You might consider tapping these effusions and/or laparoscopy?
Public speech phobia. What should I do?
Okay, I'm a high school student and I'm very self conscience and just can't act right when I'm the center of attention.
The thing is, I have to do a presentation at school, I have to stand right in front of the entire class AND the teacher and just talk about a certain subject (which ironically is PHOBIAS!)
I get extremely nervous when I have to speak in public, my hands and legs shake, I sweat, I lose my breath and start rambling and saying things that don't make any sense. I know I probably have "Social Anxiety Disorder" but I really don't know what to do to hide the symptoms. I don't want anyybody to notice my anxiety.
What should I do?
Thanks in advance.
Public speech phobia. What should I do?
From the moment you walk into the class you have to feel empowered. Convince yourself that you are in control of what is going on and what you are saying is interesting and that the class wants to and needs to hear it. Kind of like picturing them in their underwear, it is about realizing that they are not a threat to you. You are strong and informed and they are nothing to worry about. Get into what you are talking about, keep your mind occupied with the subject matter so you don't have time to think about being nervous. Take deep breaths and keep telling yourself it is no big deal. You are confident and intelligent and can do it.
Keep your hands down if they are shaky or hold on to the podium if your legs are, and clear your throat if your voice wavers.
Good luck!
Reply:You are just like the rest of us. Start by practicing in front of small groups of people you are comfortable with. When it comes down to the real deal you just have to grit your teeth and go for it.
Reply:I have the same problem,but i only shake.Just tell yourself you can do it.Just go up and read your paper,you'll probably shake so move your paper from one hand to the other,every so often.Good luck!
Reply:No worry,
just start, the adrenalin will damped after less than 5 min but you should have good message to delver to them, remember that they don't know what you want to tel them, you will be the source of knowledge
Reply:Practice your presentation in front of your closest friends or your mom several times. But the key to a good presentation is a good self esteem. Knowing the theme of your presentation from top to bottom and learning all the details around it , makes you strong enough to face any audience. So go ahead now study your presentation and hope for the best! Good luck!
Reply:Public speaking is hard for most! It is more feared than death.
I am extremely shy, but it is a requirement to take public speaking here. The best advice I can give you is to be prepared and practice (apparently 12 times- says my public speaking teacher). Make sure you make eye contact with the whole room. And if you have problems projecting your voice, pretend like you are speaking to someone in the very back of the room.
But the only advice that ever comforted me with public speaking is knowing that it won't last forever. Just think when you wake up that morning that in less than 7 hours it will all be over and you will be at home surfing the net, listening to music, or whatever it is that you do. The way I see it is this: Most teachers won't fail you for at least trying.
The thing is, I have to do a presentation at school, I have to stand right in front of the entire class AND the teacher and just talk about a certain subject (which ironically is PHOBIAS!)
I get extremely nervous when I have to speak in public, my hands and legs shake, I sweat, I lose my breath and start rambling and saying things that don't make any sense. I know I probably have "Social Anxiety Disorder" but I really don't know what to do to hide the symptoms. I don't want anyybody to notice my anxiety.
What should I do?
Thanks in advance.
Public speech phobia. What should I do?
From the moment you walk into the class you have to feel empowered. Convince yourself that you are in control of what is going on and what you are saying is interesting and that the class wants to and needs to hear it. Kind of like picturing them in their underwear, it is about realizing that they are not a threat to you. You are strong and informed and they are nothing to worry about. Get into what you are talking about, keep your mind occupied with the subject matter so you don't have time to think about being nervous. Take deep breaths and keep telling yourself it is no big deal. You are confident and intelligent and can do it.
Keep your hands down if they are shaky or hold on to the podium if your legs are, and clear your throat if your voice wavers.
Good luck!
Reply:You are just like the rest of us. Start by practicing in front of small groups of people you are comfortable with. When it comes down to the real deal you just have to grit your teeth and go for it.
Reply:I have the same problem,but i only shake.Just tell yourself you can do it.Just go up and read your paper,you'll probably shake so move your paper from one hand to the other,every so often.Good luck!
Reply:No worry,
just start, the adrenalin will damped after less than 5 min but you should have good message to delver to them, remember that they don't know what you want to tel them, you will be the source of knowledge
Reply:Practice your presentation in front of your closest friends or your mom several times. But the key to a good presentation is a good self esteem. Knowing the theme of your presentation from top to bottom and learning all the details around it , makes you strong enough to face any audience. So go ahead now study your presentation and hope for the best! Good luck!
Reply:Public speaking is hard for most! It is more feared than death.
I am extremely shy, but it is a requirement to take public speaking here. The best advice I can give you is to be prepared and practice (apparently 12 times- says my public speaking teacher). Make sure you make eye contact with the whole room. And if you have problems projecting your voice, pretend like you are speaking to someone in the very back of the room.
But the only advice that ever comforted me with public speaking is knowing that it won't last forever. Just think when you wake up that morning that in less than 7 hours it will all be over and you will be at home surfing the net, listening to music, or whatever it is that you do. The way I see it is this: Most teachers won't fail you for at least trying.
Clever Lawyers?
From a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and now published (apparently)
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
And the best for last
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Clever Lawyers?
excellent - well worth the read!!!10/10 and a star!!!
ps to those of you that complain about how long it is - dont bloody answer the question if you cant be bothered to read the joke!!!
Reply:Funny...but where is the question
Reply:A good example of the THUNDERING ignorance currently choking the world. 8/10.
Reply:THAT WAS SO LONG WINDED I DIDN'T BOTHER READING IT - I HOPE IT WAS FUNNY.
MORE ONE LINERS PLEASE :D
Reply:Too funny
Reply:very gud!! needed a laugh 2 cheer me up!! 10/10
Reply:good one
Reply:bang man......
all good ones.... I am still laughing...
thanks for the laugh
regards
Reply:Hahaha that was awesome.
I bet they were real cases too. That's shameful.
Reply:Absolutely fantastic!! I love it when people speak quicker than they think :)
Very good!!
Reply:hahahahahaha thats so funny i woke my parents up laughing. thanks heaps. 10/10
Reply:all very funny
x
Reply:ha ha ha ha loved it lol lol
Reply:Ha Ha! Funny! Good ones!
Reply:Wow, great ones. Makes me want to become a layer, makes it sound easy.
word for word, taken down and now published (apparently)
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
And the best for last
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Clever Lawyers?
excellent - well worth the read!!!10/10 and a star!!!
ps to those of you that complain about how long it is - dont bloody answer the question if you cant be bothered to read the joke!!!
Reply:Funny...but where is the question
Reply:A good example of the THUNDERING ignorance currently choking the world. 8/10.
Reply:THAT WAS SO LONG WINDED I DIDN'T BOTHER READING IT - I HOPE IT WAS FUNNY.
MORE ONE LINERS PLEASE :D
Reply:Too funny
Reply:very gud!! needed a laugh 2 cheer me up!! 10/10
Reply:good one
Reply:bang man......
all good ones.... I am still laughing...
thanks for the laugh
regards
Reply:Hahaha that was awesome.
I bet they were real cases too. That's shameful.
Reply:Absolutely fantastic!! I love it when people speak quicker than they think :)
Very good!!
Reply:hahahahahaha thats so funny i woke my parents up laughing. thanks heaps. 10/10
Reply:all very funny
x
Reply:ha ha ha ha loved it lol lol
Reply:Ha Ha! Funny! Good ones!
Reply:Wow, great ones. Makes me want to become a layer, makes it sound easy.
Quesitons dealing with the brain and sleep.?
Okay, my questions are:
1. Is there a possibility for someone to not have a circadian rythm, and only sleep when physically exhausted?
2. Is it normal for someone to be able to sleep 12-14 hours every night if allowed and not have a sleeping disorder?
3. What should someone do if after they wake up, they always feel tired still, even after sleeping for 12 or more hours?
4. And is it possible to have a problem with your hypothalumus, or another part of the brain if you start to sweat, and lose apetite when you do something simple such as sweeping a floor, or even brushing your teeth?
Quesitons dealing with the brain and sleep.?
1. There are a class of sleep disorders called "phase disorders" that give people unusual sleep patterns, making them stay up very late until they drop or wake up in the middle of the night. There are also people who genetically require very little sleep overall, though this can be dangerous in later life as it can lead to a syndrome called "Fatal Insomnia."
2. Sleeping that long is not such a good sign. Could be a sleep disorder...OR it is a symptom of another health problem, like depression or even dietary problems.
3. This is very much a symptom of narcolepsy. People often have the wrong idea about this disorder. Only some people collapse randomly, more often they're just constantly drowsy.
4. Have not heard of this problem, other than hyperhydrosis (excessive sweating). This could be a blood sugar or blood pressure problem too.
Reply:1. no because without circadian rythm you'd be dead
2. yes .. in very rare cases a person can sleep even 16-18 hours per day
3. should go to a doctor
4. may be... go to a doctor and find out!
Reply:1. Every one has one... everyones differant
2. You can sleep for that long. I feel that after 6hours of sleep I get "too much" - BUT THATS ME, WERE DIFFERANT -
3. Talk to your doctor - you might feel wierd about talking to your doctor about strange things, but think about it... he is a doctor, he hears strange things all the time (I used to work in a Hospital - holy crap -)
4. Again, back to my answere for number 3, these questions could all be answered by a doctor. They might need to run some tests but I wouldnt worry about that till the doctor says something is wrong. Good Luck.
Reply:Some endocrine disorders (aka "hormone problems" or "glandular problems") are associated with fatigue, sweating, and appetite changes.
If these symptoms are present and problematic, and not just a mild curiosity for you, you should talk to your/a doctor about it. There are some really simple tests (bloodwork) s/he can do. At the very least this will help rule out what it isn't.
sage
1. Is there a possibility for someone to not have a circadian rythm, and only sleep when physically exhausted?
2. Is it normal for someone to be able to sleep 12-14 hours every night if allowed and not have a sleeping disorder?
3. What should someone do if after they wake up, they always feel tired still, even after sleeping for 12 or more hours?
4. And is it possible to have a problem with your hypothalumus, or another part of the brain if you start to sweat, and lose apetite when you do something simple such as sweeping a floor, or even brushing your teeth?
Quesitons dealing with the brain and sleep.?
1. There are a class of sleep disorders called "phase disorders" that give people unusual sleep patterns, making them stay up very late until they drop or wake up in the middle of the night. There are also people who genetically require very little sleep overall, though this can be dangerous in later life as it can lead to a syndrome called "Fatal Insomnia."
2. Sleeping that long is not such a good sign. Could be a sleep disorder...OR it is a symptom of another health problem, like depression or even dietary problems.
3. This is very much a symptom of narcolepsy. People often have the wrong idea about this disorder. Only some people collapse randomly, more often they're just constantly drowsy.
4. Have not heard of this problem, other than hyperhydrosis (excessive sweating). This could be a blood sugar or blood pressure problem too.
Reply:1. no because without circadian rythm you'd be dead
2. yes .. in very rare cases a person can sleep even 16-18 hours per day
3. should go to a doctor
4. may be... go to a doctor and find out!
Reply:1. Every one has one... everyones differant
2. You can sleep for that long. I feel that after 6hours of sleep I get "too much" - BUT THATS ME, WERE DIFFERANT -
3. Talk to your doctor - you might feel wierd about talking to your doctor about strange things, but think about it... he is a doctor, he hears strange things all the time (I used to work in a Hospital - holy crap -)
4. Again, back to my answere for number 3, these questions could all be answered by a doctor. They might need to run some tests but I wouldnt worry about that till the doctor says something is wrong. Good Luck.
Reply:Some endocrine disorders (aka "hormone problems" or "glandular problems") are associated with fatigue, sweating, and appetite changes.
If these symptoms are present and problematic, and not just a mild curiosity for you, you should talk to your/a doctor about it. There are some really simple tests (bloodwork) s/he can do. At the very least this will help rule out what it isn't.
sage
What the hell is wrong with me??
I dislike myself. I can't stand the way I look. I feel ugly. I lack self-confidence. I'm terribly afraid of being judged. I think I'm boring and unattractive and eccentric. I sweat profusely and stutter when I'm nervous, whether in public places or during conversations with not-so-close friends or during class presentations. I think this could be social anxiety disorder. This is affecting my relationships. I got to know someone from the net who I really fancy a lot. But I'm too nervous to meet that person. I'm terribly afraid of being judged during our meet-up and worse, rejection. I can't stand this anymore. Why is life so difficult for me?
What the hell is wrong with me??
You're depressed. Go to your doctor and get some anti-depressant medicine or change jobs, if you can get transferred into another part of the state or U.S. and moved to meet different people, a change of scenery will help.
Thanks,
Beverly S.
Reply:u sound kinda like me. social anxiety and low self esteem. not your fault.
Reply:My late husband had social anxioty disorder and to me it sounds like you are suffering the same you need to seek professional help.
Reply:you just verrry unconfident. condfidence is the most important thing about a person so i would defdinatly suggest a therapist to get to the source of the problem.
good luck, i hope you come to realize that everyone is beautiful in their own way. right now, that probbably sounds stupid but you will soon love yourself if you get the correct help.
Reply:You absolutely need to see either a doctor, phychologist, or counselor. You are a wonderful person, I am sure, that possesses many fine qualities. Life will fall into place as soon as you can get your priorities in order and discover what it is that is making you feel this way. Reach out for help, it's out there for you. From then on, it's all in how you put it all together. Start yourself a journal and write in it each day. You will see, after you've found the help you need, that by reading back to where you started, how things did actually fall into place. Good luck!
Reply:go get some zanax and try to chill. life will get better. if you can't do that then try pot
Reply:Have you tried counselling? I think it could really help. You need to set goals for yourself in order to amend the way you see yourself. Set them easy at first. eg Go on a date with someone I like. Set stages for this: pampering yourself, talk to friends about their dates, do some research on interesting places to go, find out what the other person likes to do and talk about. Give yourself a reward when you complete each step. I think you however should consider counselling. Speak to your doctor - they can point you in the right direction. You are finiding it hard to see yourself in the right way and are turning all your points negatively which is such a hard habit to kick. best of luck x
Reply:that sounds alot like me except for the sweating which is social anxiety... the rest of it is from the depression, or in my case MAJOR depression
theres not much you can do except see a doctor, go to councling and take meds (if you dont mind taking them)
sometimes it helps to talk to other people with the same problem, IM me anytime
Reply:Because you have social anxiety and if you don't take your self by a firm hand and realize that you are over reacting then you should see a mental professional. We all have to face rejection in our life's, it's a fact of life.
Life is difficult for you because you are making it difficult. We all have things we don't particularly like about our self's, for me it's my voice, but I have people who say they like it, I remember once my mother saying that she took a bad picture, but then on day realized that must be the way she actually looked. But does this stop us from speaking or walking around feeling ugly?
No, we accept our self for what we are and what we are capable of. You have to stop being sorry for your self, realize that you are just another person/individual who was placed on this earth for a reason. Force your self to speak up, don't worry about how you look etc. Be your self and others will except your for who you are and what you are.
Reply:first u should start loving urself. then look urself in the mirror and say u look beautiful. positive thinking will built selfconfidence. u make good friends. from ur history, I derived that u need lot of counselling on positive thinking. building up "can do" attitude will help u a lot. meet people, never be afraid of them. take them into confidence. not for highly personal matters. From the way u wrote this feeling is the past of your childhood, where ur parents or any other elders would have suppressed u a lot. u r grown up now. cut the ice by talking bravely twice with known people not over net. then u will fly high. No use brooding over it.
Reply:find a good and meaningful and wise thing to do at your free time.
example, chanting and/or listening to the sutras might help too. if you surf the internet, look out for inspirational websites which can lighten your stress.
the point is you are not alone. if you are a female, try a different dress might brighten your day. if you a guy, a new shirt which you like can also help.
life is not perfect. that is why you have to keep on trying to balance the negative and positive things in life.
mercury of love
Reply:I don't know why you dislike yourself so much but I am certain that your dislike of yourself is what is causing your life to be so difficult.
I am certain that you are not ugly. If you dislike the way you look it is because you dislike what is on the inside. Don't you know that what other people think of you is not nearly as important as what you think of yourself?
I both sweat profusely and stutter when I am nervous, as well. I deal with this by trying to stay as calm as possible when going into situations that I know tend to make me nervous.
I think you could benefit from therapy. If you can't afford it then I would at least recommend going to your family doctor and explaining that you think you might be suffering from a social anxiety disorder.
You need to quit isolating yourself. Make friends, embrace the fact that you may be a bit eccentric and use this to your advantage. Get a full length mirror. Stand in front of it and begin to admire yourself. Start with what you know is fine. Concentrate on the positive. Embrace the you that is you and start fixing the things that you feel are broken.
Reply:Hyperhidrosis:
http://www.answers.com/hyperhidrosis%26amp;r=6...
http://www.parsec.it/summit/hyper1e.htm
Reply:Because you tend to romantisize and create ficticious scenerio in your own head about how everyone is better than you are. Which is absolutely not true.
From what you are saying... you are more than likely young, inexperienced socially and have not had much interaction with people in your life so far. Not to mention, someone probably put all this bullsh*it in your head somewhere along the course of your life, as in a father, amother, a guardian, a mentor... whoever? More than likely someone who thought very little of themselves as well but their coping mechanisim was to belittle someone else to get their own power back. Probably you from the sound of things.
All inner turmoil, all pain that any situation of condition causes within us with a condition or situation is the self speking out internally against a negative or false belief. Something inside you wants to grasp hold of your true condition which you know and understand to be the opposite of how you actually feel inside about yourself less these outter influences and opinions. Once a mind is trained to believe in something negative that it knows is not true... in comes the conflict and the panic attacks and the depression and the emotional distress.
You can pack yourself full of all the medication you like and it may help after years of trying out everythng on the market until something clicks... Which is how they actually do it. OR... you can come to terms with the fact that some strong wizard of words taught you something about yourself that was never true and your inner conflict with it is proof that it is not copocetic with how YOU feel INSIDE.
I have a rule in life, taught to me by a very wise man a long time ago.
Take your entire life, and contemplate it... now try and remember every opinion and every feeling you have about anything really... now dissect it, and really ask yourself if these are YOUR opinions or an opinion given to you by someone else.
Either by mockery, lesson, teaching or bullying?
Now... after considering this. Realize that EVERY OPINION AND FEELING YOU HAVE EVER HAD... from this very moment, was a condition, a belief or an ideal or opinion given to you by someone else.
knowing that... stop and reconsider your life. and from THIS MOMENT ON. From this moment forward. Make and create YOUR OWN opinions, your own ideals and your own beliefs all by yourself and all for yourself. Be responsable for your failures and your own accomplishments. Take the credit and the fault for no one BUT YOU!
You'll see amazing changes... I swear!
Good luck to you sweetheart. and remember. YOU are your own creation. and all you have to do to change you... is to listen to you. Something inside you is crying out in opposition against all of this sh*it someone taught you to believe that simply is not true. Lay down the words of the evil wizards in your life and listen to you!
I hate to say it... because I hate her music... but Christina Agulaira is right... "You are beautiful." Don't seek out those who tell you different to cement an incorrect belief system because it is familiar and easier to deal with and dont allow anyone to tell you anything that is not true. YOU decide what is true and what is not.
Undertand that through the process of change. We often seek out things and people, situations and scenerio that may try and revert us backward to what condition we are used to. We will take notice of things we hear, listen to negativity, even on subconscious levels everything we hear and take note of will be your inner dialouge trying to hold on to what it is used to because the ego hates change.
Stick with it, tell yourself you are beautiful and start teaching other people how to treat you as such and all the chips will fall into place and eventually you will have re trained your own brain into the true realization of your own making...
Good luck!
Reply:Im not a doctor but i have experienced some of your symtoms.It does sound like an anxiety disorder,although for you to dislike yourself so much thats not good.I suggest therapy believe me it helps it took me 43 years to finally go for therapy and it has helped me a great deal. You need to be your own best friend in this life.Most people are their worst critics.Figure out the good things about yourself try to focus on the positive and not the negative ok control your mind,dont let it control you ,
Reply:If you stop thinking about the future, fear of judgment will be gone.
And the past isn't a reality, it isn't who you are. Be here %26amp; now.
What the hell is wrong with me??
You're depressed. Go to your doctor and get some anti-depressant medicine or change jobs, if you can get transferred into another part of the state or U.S. and moved to meet different people, a change of scenery will help.
Thanks,
Beverly S.
Reply:u sound kinda like me. social anxiety and low self esteem. not your fault.
Reply:My late husband had social anxioty disorder and to me it sounds like you are suffering the same you need to seek professional help.
Reply:you just verrry unconfident. condfidence is the most important thing about a person so i would defdinatly suggest a therapist to get to the source of the problem.
good luck, i hope you come to realize that everyone is beautiful in their own way. right now, that probbably sounds stupid but you will soon love yourself if you get the correct help.
Reply:You absolutely need to see either a doctor, phychologist, or counselor. You are a wonderful person, I am sure, that possesses many fine qualities. Life will fall into place as soon as you can get your priorities in order and discover what it is that is making you feel this way. Reach out for help, it's out there for you. From then on, it's all in how you put it all together. Start yourself a journal and write in it each day. You will see, after you've found the help you need, that by reading back to where you started, how things did actually fall into place. Good luck!
Reply:go get some zanax and try to chill. life will get better. if you can't do that then try pot
Reply:Have you tried counselling? I think it could really help. You need to set goals for yourself in order to amend the way you see yourself. Set them easy at first. eg Go on a date with someone I like. Set stages for this: pampering yourself, talk to friends about their dates, do some research on interesting places to go, find out what the other person likes to do and talk about. Give yourself a reward when you complete each step. I think you however should consider counselling. Speak to your doctor - they can point you in the right direction. You are finiding it hard to see yourself in the right way and are turning all your points negatively which is such a hard habit to kick. best of luck x
Reply:that sounds alot like me except for the sweating which is social anxiety... the rest of it is from the depression, or in my case MAJOR depression
theres not much you can do except see a doctor, go to councling and take meds (if you dont mind taking them)
sometimes it helps to talk to other people with the same problem, IM me anytime
Reply:Because you have social anxiety and if you don't take your self by a firm hand and realize that you are over reacting then you should see a mental professional. We all have to face rejection in our life's, it's a fact of life.
Life is difficult for you because you are making it difficult. We all have things we don't particularly like about our self's, for me it's my voice, but I have people who say they like it, I remember once my mother saying that she took a bad picture, but then on day realized that must be the way she actually looked. But does this stop us from speaking or walking around feeling ugly?
No, we accept our self for what we are and what we are capable of. You have to stop being sorry for your self, realize that you are just another person/individual who was placed on this earth for a reason. Force your self to speak up, don't worry about how you look etc. Be your self and others will except your for who you are and what you are.
Reply:first u should start loving urself. then look urself in the mirror and say u look beautiful. positive thinking will built selfconfidence. u make good friends. from ur history, I derived that u need lot of counselling on positive thinking. building up "can do" attitude will help u a lot. meet people, never be afraid of them. take them into confidence. not for highly personal matters. From the way u wrote this feeling is the past of your childhood, where ur parents or any other elders would have suppressed u a lot. u r grown up now. cut the ice by talking bravely twice with known people not over net. then u will fly high. No use brooding over it.
Reply:find a good and meaningful and wise thing to do at your free time.
example, chanting and/or listening to the sutras might help too. if you surf the internet, look out for inspirational websites which can lighten your stress.
the point is you are not alone. if you are a female, try a different dress might brighten your day. if you a guy, a new shirt which you like can also help.
life is not perfect. that is why you have to keep on trying to balance the negative and positive things in life.
mercury of love
Reply:I don't know why you dislike yourself so much but I am certain that your dislike of yourself is what is causing your life to be so difficult.
I am certain that you are not ugly. If you dislike the way you look it is because you dislike what is on the inside. Don't you know that what other people think of you is not nearly as important as what you think of yourself?
I both sweat profusely and stutter when I am nervous, as well. I deal with this by trying to stay as calm as possible when going into situations that I know tend to make me nervous.
I think you could benefit from therapy. If you can't afford it then I would at least recommend going to your family doctor and explaining that you think you might be suffering from a social anxiety disorder.
You need to quit isolating yourself. Make friends, embrace the fact that you may be a bit eccentric and use this to your advantage. Get a full length mirror. Stand in front of it and begin to admire yourself. Start with what you know is fine. Concentrate on the positive. Embrace the you that is you and start fixing the things that you feel are broken.
Reply:Hyperhidrosis:
http://www.answers.com/hyperhidrosis%26amp;r=6...
http://www.parsec.it/summit/hyper1e.htm
Reply:Because you tend to romantisize and create ficticious scenerio in your own head about how everyone is better than you are. Which is absolutely not true.
From what you are saying... you are more than likely young, inexperienced socially and have not had much interaction with people in your life so far. Not to mention, someone probably put all this bullsh*it in your head somewhere along the course of your life, as in a father, amother, a guardian, a mentor... whoever? More than likely someone who thought very little of themselves as well but their coping mechanisim was to belittle someone else to get their own power back. Probably you from the sound of things.
All inner turmoil, all pain that any situation of condition causes within us with a condition or situation is the self speking out internally against a negative or false belief. Something inside you wants to grasp hold of your true condition which you know and understand to be the opposite of how you actually feel inside about yourself less these outter influences and opinions. Once a mind is trained to believe in something negative that it knows is not true... in comes the conflict and the panic attacks and the depression and the emotional distress.
You can pack yourself full of all the medication you like and it may help after years of trying out everythng on the market until something clicks... Which is how they actually do it. OR... you can come to terms with the fact that some strong wizard of words taught you something about yourself that was never true and your inner conflict with it is proof that it is not copocetic with how YOU feel INSIDE.
I have a rule in life, taught to me by a very wise man a long time ago.
Take your entire life, and contemplate it... now try and remember every opinion and every feeling you have about anything really... now dissect it, and really ask yourself if these are YOUR opinions or an opinion given to you by someone else.
Either by mockery, lesson, teaching or bullying?
Now... after considering this. Realize that EVERY OPINION AND FEELING YOU HAVE EVER HAD... from this very moment, was a condition, a belief or an ideal or opinion given to you by someone else.
knowing that... stop and reconsider your life. and from THIS MOMENT ON. From this moment forward. Make and create YOUR OWN opinions, your own ideals and your own beliefs all by yourself and all for yourself. Be responsable for your failures and your own accomplishments. Take the credit and the fault for no one BUT YOU!
You'll see amazing changes... I swear!
Good luck to you sweetheart. and remember. YOU are your own creation. and all you have to do to change you... is to listen to you. Something inside you is crying out in opposition against all of this sh*it someone taught you to believe that simply is not true. Lay down the words of the evil wizards in your life and listen to you!
I hate to say it... because I hate her music... but Christina Agulaira is right... "You are beautiful." Don't seek out those who tell you different to cement an incorrect belief system because it is familiar and easier to deal with and dont allow anyone to tell you anything that is not true. YOU decide what is true and what is not.
Undertand that through the process of change. We often seek out things and people, situations and scenerio that may try and revert us backward to what condition we are used to. We will take notice of things we hear, listen to negativity, even on subconscious levels everything we hear and take note of will be your inner dialouge trying to hold on to what it is used to because the ego hates change.
Stick with it, tell yourself you are beautiful and start teaching other people how to treat you as such and all the chips will fall into place and eventually you will have re trained your own brain into the true realization of your own making...
Good luck!
Reply:Im not a doctor but i have experienced some of your symtoms.It does sound like an anxiety disorder,although for you to dislike yourself so much thats not good.I suggest therapy believe me it helps it took me 43 years to finally go for therapy and it has helped me a great deal. You need to be your own best friend in this life.Most people are their worst critics.Figure out the good things about yourself try to focus on the positive and not the negative ok control your mind,dont let it control you ,
Reply:If you stop thinking about the future, fear of judgment will be gone.
And the past isn't a reality, it isn't who you are. Be here %26amp; now.
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