Clever Lawyers?

From a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court,


word for word, taken down and now published (apparently)





ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?


WITNESS: No, I just lie there.





ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?


WITNESS: July 18th.


ATTORNEY: What year?


WITNESS: Every year.





ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?


WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?


WITNESS: Yes.


ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?


WITNESS: I forget.


ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?





ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?


WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.


ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?


WITNESS: Forty-five years.





ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?


WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"


ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?


WITNESS: My name is Susan.





ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?


WITNESS: We both do.


ATTORNEY: Voodoo?


WITNESS: We do.


ATTORNEY: You do?


WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.





ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?





ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?


WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.





ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?


WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?





ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?


WITNESS: Yes.


ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?


WITNESS: Uh....





ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?


WITNESS: Yes.


ATTORNEY: How many were boys?


WITNESS: None.


ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?





ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?


WITNESS: By death.


ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?





ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?


WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.


ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?





ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?


WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.





ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?


WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.





ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?


WITNESS: Oral.





ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?


WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.


ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?


WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!





ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


WITNESS: Huh?





And the best for last





ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?


WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?


WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?


WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?


WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?


WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.


ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?


WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Clever Lawyers?
excellent - well worth the read!!!10/10 and a star!!!





ps to those of you that complain about how long it is - dont bloody answer the question if you cant be bothered to read the joke!!!
Reply:Funny...but where is the question
Reply:A good example of the THUNDERING ignorance currently choking the world. 8/10.
Reply:THAT WAS SO LONG WINDED I DIDN'T BOTHER READING IT - I HOPE IT WAS FUNNY.





MORE ONE LINERS PLEASE :D
Reply:Too funny
Reply:very gud!! needed a laugh 2 cheer me up!! 10/10
Reply:good one
Reply:bang man......





all good ones.... I am still laughing...





thanks for the laugh





regards
Reply:Hahaha that was awesome.


I bet they were real cases too. That's shameful.
Reply:Absolutely fantastic!! I love it when people speak quicker than they think :)





Very good!!
Reply:hahahahahaha thats so funny i woke my parents up laughing. thanks heaps. 10/10
Reply:all very funny


x
Reply:ha ha ha ha loved it lol lol
Reply:Ha Ha! Funny! Good ones!
Reply:Wow, great ones. Makes me want to become a layer, makes it sound easy.