This is really funny reading?

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.








ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?





WITNESS: No, I just lie there.





______________________________________...





ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?





WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?





WITNESS: Yes.





ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?





WITNESS: I forget.





ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?





_____________________________________





ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?





WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'





ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?





WITNESS: My name is Susan!





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?





WITNESS: We both do.





ATTORNEY: Voodoo?





WITNESS: We do.





ATTORNEY: You do?





WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.





______________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?





WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?





____________________________________





ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?





WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.





______________________________________...





ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?





WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?





WITNESS: Yes.





ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?





WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?





WITNESS: Yes.





ATTORNEY: How many were boys?





WITNESS: None.





ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?





WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?





______________________________________











ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?





WITNESS: By death.





ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?





WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?





WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.





ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?





WITNESS: Guess.





_____________________________________








ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?





WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?





WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?





WITNESS: Oral.





______________________________________





ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?





WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.





ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?





WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!





______________________________________...





ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?





WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?





______________________________________





--- And the best for last: ---








ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?





WITNESS: No.





ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?





WITNESS: No.





ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?





WITNESS: No.





ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?





WITNESS: No.





ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?





WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.





ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?








WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

This is really funny reading?
Ha ha ha.!!!


That is Excellent so 10/10.!!!


Thanks for a laugh.!!!


Cheers Lady.!!
Reply:Thank you. Report It

Reply:LOL
Reply:LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! If I could give you a million stars I so would!
Reply:lol people actually said that? good one!!
Reply:LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:lol these are great!
Reply:Fabulous! Great reading.
Reply:That is Excellent
Reply:Wow that was so good and no offence bt some people can be so dim sometimes!


xxxx
Reply:I laughed so hard while I was reading this that it made by baby cry!
Reply:hahahaha!! i love it
Reply:cool!
Reply:this is phucking awesome


i am holding back my laughter cuz i am sitting in a class
Reply:At one time I was thinking of being a court reporter. I wouldn't have been able to keep it together in these cases for sure. Now, I'm just hoping to proofread for court reporters. If I find funny stories like this, I'll post them.
Reply:HA HA


its such a totally blond thing to say


would give you more stars if i could but apart from one gold star here's some other ones *************************************
Reply:HA-larious!!!!!!!
Reply:Lol true or not, they are funny anyway

petunia