These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court."
These are things people actually said in (an American) court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
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Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Do you believe this happened in America ?
I really hope so. Wonderful, I wish I could give you ten points!. Not a loaded statement. I wish you well. Terry.
Reply:This is great! Thanks for brightening up my day by giving me a laugh!
Reply:Lol...I needed that!
Reply:Brilliant Susie. Brought a grin to my face and yep, it probably could ONLY happen in America. Thanks for the smiles you have given me.
Reply:No one said as a society we were brilliant!
Reply:hahahaha are you serious thats hilarious especially the voodoo one and the last one lol
Reply:Believe it? I live it! Yes, I believe it.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-Albert Einstein
Reply:and some of these people are lawyers. scary, isn't it?
Reply:I've heard of all of these and variations in British Courts and Application forms and I have seen an application form with the box asking gender:
Sex? The answer was of course," Yes three times a week "
Needless to say after much laughter the form was amended very soon after the incident
Reply:I think one of those lawyer was mine. Mine ask me if I remember cars were involved in a one car accident
Reply:These are priceless!!! I'll be laughing for quite a while. I sent it to all my friends and relatives. Thanks for the great laugh this morning.
Reply:you think these were bad you only use the Scottish ones -- why not bring up the red neck ones from southern Georgia!!!
Reply:lol Thanks!
Reply:Yes, I can believe these questions and answers were given in courts in America. As the last one stated they are alive and practicing law somewhere, probably Washington, D.C. Have another well earned star!!!!
Reply:Aye, and a fine collection it be --- yo ho ho
Reply:bet it could happen in the UK too
Reply:Could you repeat the question!!! lol Oh, right--only in American would I believe it.
Reply:What was that question we had posted yesterday, that asked about common sense? Just goes to show you, not many people have it. Open mouth insert foot. Or as I prefer: Dumber than dirt.!!!! Sounds like redneck court.
Reply:Very funny thanks for that
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